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Government to introduce ‘square circles’

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Following the news that homosexual marriage is to be introduced, the government is now proposing to introduce square circles.

The Deputy Minister for Shapes commented: 'It is time that we gave true equality to circles, not only to rectangles. Why shouldn't circles be considered square?'

Under the new law, mathematicians and geometrists who object to this re-definition will be allowed to continue using the old definitions, unless sued.

However, all maths teachers will be required to use the new definitions with their pupils, so that they can learn the new language. Students must be prepared to change their views if they wish to graduate. The proposals also suggest that parents who object to their children being taught the new theory can have a nice trip to jail.

A spokesman for traditionalist group ‘The League of Geometrists’ objected to the new rules: 'How can a circle be square? It is a contradiction in terms. If it remains circular, how can it consist of four lines of equal length?'

But the Prime Minister, supporting the move, said: 'This move will be supported by all tolerant, welcoming, broad-minded people.' ‘I refuse to tolerate their intolerance’ he added.

A spokesman for the radical ‘Shape Rights’ campaign group ‘Getting Squared’, said:

“We welcome today’s announcement. It’s about time that the government gave equal rights to all shapes, no matter what shape they are. This has nothing to do with radically re-defining society shapes. It has to do with more tolerance. If enough people say that circles are squared then we’ll all start to believe it.”

After concerns were raised over the effect these proposals may have on freedom of speech, the government re-assured those concerned that if they wanted to express such an intolerant opinion in public then they had nothing to worry about:

“This is all about tolerance. We want to reassure eveyone that nobody will be vilified or lose their jobs. You all have absolutely nothing to be concerned about. Nobody is going to be arrested or forced to resign. There will be no witch-hunts. Those who believe that squares can’t be circles can still fully participate in society.”

The Commission for Shape Equality also supports the proposals:

“We welcome these proposals. A circle is quite clearly a square. To suggest otherwise is a horrible view that might infect children.”

The League of Geometrists has now been accused of scaremongering after warning that people would be aggressively targeted and harassed by ‘Shape Rights’ activists if they didn’t start calling circles squares.

A spokesman for ‘Getting Squared’ said: “There is nothing to be concerned about; there is space for every type of shape in our utopia. Nobody will be excluded. Just trust us.”


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